By: Rutaba Riaz

I’m at the hotel where the reservation was made.
I sit at the table, and I wait and I wait for a call or a text
That says, “I can’t make it tonight. Let’s do it this Sunday or the next.”
No call, no text, just me and the silence, the waiter asking for my order.
I sink into the water, as I’m on the verge, on the border.
But it’s the fourth attempt at a dinner of our twenty-five months together.
I got everything you liked, everything you ever mentioned.
I close my eyes just to see you in front of me.
We talked for an hour. I ate a whole lot of food,
But your drink stayed still, your food untouched.
As we walk out of the hotel, I look at my side
Your illusion was gone, your presence fades away.
I sat down on the stairs, my makeup done and my hair set,
The long black dress and those heels that I wear.
Questioning myself as I started walking,
My mind making up scenarios, making me feel like we’re talking.
I look into the eyes and hold the hand of a nonexistent guy.
As it’s over the anniversary dinner, the fourth try.
I knew I was going crazy, but I couldn’t even cry,
Because it smudges my mascara and you hate that on my eye.
I knew what was coming once you got back home:
The stories, the apologies, and how your body was sore.
How I could see in your eyes that you had lost the war.
The feeling I was trying to protect was now rotten to the core.
Look at me, and set me free , your words, your apology are no use.
When I look at myself, I see a shattered heart and a body that’s bruised.
The floors were cold as I walked through the corridor,
The sound of chandeliers, and how you were sorry for
Disappearing once again, forgetting my existence once again.
I wish you could look into my eyes to see love but it’s just pain.
Now time has changed and years have passed.
You look at me with something in your eye.
That was the day you held me and asked,
“I’ve been too cruel, haven’t I?”
Trust me, my dear, I am not that sad
But the way you look, it makes me feel bad.
The man I loved is gone too long.
It’s a stranger who’s holding me and it feels too wrong.
I can’t even help it, ’cause what more could I do?
I faded away as I let it consume me all of you

About the Poet: Rutaba Riaz is a student of Educational Leadership and Management. She has a deep passion for creativity and expression. Beyond academics, Rutaba is a painter, a baker, and a teacher. She turns to poetry as a medium to voice her emotions that often remain unspoken, using vivid imagery and introspection to explore themes of love, absence and self-realization.

This poem was featured on Poetic Expressions 4.0 — our flagship poetry recital event.